Piano playing

Ok so today I played piano at church and did a verry bad job. I was really nervous and I know I could have played much better and was really sad about it. But I tried my best - and at the time that was my best because I was nervous. So I was listening to my Ginnie Owens Cd. In one of her songs Free it says "Even joyful noise is music to me" . And I realized (and still realizing) that God doesn't care that I got my fingering messed up and totally forgot the chord progression and lost my place lots and lots of time and played too fast. He cares that I was doing it for him. So my noise was still music in his ears. And also I am allowed to mess up somtimes this is somtimes I forget. God can still use what I did even when I mess up. If he couldn't he couldn't really use anyone cuz we all mess up. So it's ok cuz I learned somthing today. I learned that God can still use somthing that seems "not good enough" in my eyes. And God reminded me that He can still use me with all my imperfections to make somthing beautiful. I thank Him for the lessons learned. I fell but I will get up and keep trying and climbing.

Thankyou Cappizo!

Cappizio i need to lean how to spell your name cuz I spell it diffrent every time! Thankyou Capizzio for making my blog more exciting!!!1 YEY

I'm thinking...

So this is what I have been pondering...The maximum amount of hours I spend at home a day is 13. And that includes my 8hrs of sleeping so it's more like 5. I was brilliant again and loaded my plate completly full and now I'm wondering if it might have been irresponsible...Like the extreme amout of stuff i am doing is starting to cause unecessary fights that could be avoided if I had more time on my hands. I would be much less stressed and have alot more time just breath and build broken relationships and I would also have more time to spend with God which is somthing I have been struggleing with latley. But here is the problem- I can graduate early because of all the extra circullar stuff I am in. Cuz i get a credit for each thing that i do. And my high school is the last place on earth I would rather be.So it would be amazing to be able to graduate early. Like I have always had a busy schedule and I can usually handle them quite well- but I don't know if graduating early is worth it. Like my head is telling me to suck it up and go ahead with the physco schedule after all no one forced me into the stuff I'm in. But the other half of me is saying Yes you can graduate early, but your schedule is causing fights and is driving you insane. I donno what to do - I really want to graduate- but I also really want peace. Any one have any thoughts on what I should do??

It's so easy to say there's a God up in heaven
But sometimes he's so hard to see
But Yet I have found if we just learn to trust him
He's Got everything we could need

If we had God's eyes, we could see to forever
We would never have to struggle to believe
We'd understand why, and in all of our questions
We'd know what the answers would be
But we have faith enough to know
God is allways in controle



Theses are some lyrics from a song in the Singing Company musical that was done in newfoundland last year at my old church which I love dearly! I helped make up a dance from the musical and was watching the tape of it and they played this song and I was reminded by a bunch of six year old ballett buterflies how important faith is through hard times. Sometimes it feels like God has forgotten us and we are left all alone, but really we just need to trust. Trust is someting that is easier said than done- and sometimes we can't see what God is doing and we don't know where we are headed on this road, but we have faith enough to know that Gods allways in controle.
I pray that I allways remember that- that God is allways in controle even when I feel lost. I need to trust- Jump without looking down or back. I pray for strengh and courage. And I choose to run not on my steam but on Gods. This is somtimes really hard especially for controle feaks such as myself :P But with God all things are possible. Thats another thing I need to remember.

Just wondering....

So this is what I'm wondering- if two people are in an arguement, and they both decided it would be better to avoid the issue there by avoiding any other conflict- is that kinda not good? Cuz you are beating around the bush wich normally isn't a good thing but couldn't that sometimes be better then bringing it up? I donno. It's jsut what I have been wondering.

Band Camp

HAha BAnd camp...I feel quite dumb hehe mainly becasue I was so positive that I would have a terrible time when it actually was quite fun. Yes band camp was fun despite all the things that could have made it crappy. I did play my picillo for 13 hrs a day and I kinda really hurt my ears on those lovely high F's and G's and it's defintally not a violin but it was good I also decided that I like brass now. Anyway yeah so I actually had fun I met lots of people so that was cool. We got snowed in and had to stay an extra day and it was a fun night because it was just a bunch of activities that had nothing to do with music and we were just doing whatever we felt like. We had a talent show and a movie and all that jazz. It was just good times. I went there deciding that I would have a good time even if it killed me but the funny thing was I didn't have to try to have a good time I just did anyway. Band camp good times and I can't belive I am saying this, but I am glad I went. hahaha I'm so amused.

Band

This wondefull susposedly nice long weekend I get to go to no other than Band Camp. I am sooooooo excited ( note: I am saying this in my sarcastic voice cuz I am really not)
I get to go have a "wonderfull" weekend when I get to play the shrilling picillo for 13 hours a day ( I am actually not exagerating) then during my free time I get to listen to wind ensemble pieces and all that "fun" exciting stuff.
So not only is the circulum not that pleasing but I also am not verry close to the other people in band. MAinly because in their eyes, their instrument is the world and mine on the other hand is not. The picillo is my least favorite instrument out of the ones I play AND the earliest I get home is 5:30 pm. But usually it is later. I don't have time to practice 4 hrs a day or how every many I should be doing. So there is one of the main clashes between me and the other people in band.

I realize that one of the reasons I am not liking this so much is because my attitude is really bad. I am saying it will be bad before I get there. So I need to fix that right now: I will now make a list of good things about the band progam....this is gonna be hard.

1) because of all the band stuff I can graduate early
2)I get to eat cookies in band
3) I have to take really big breaths on my picillo and there for am improving my breath support while singing
4) It is manditory that I go to to concerts a semester (yay for Winnipeg Symphony Orcahstra)
5) BEcasue of band camp I get to miss a day of school
6) Because of band camp i get to write a test later on in the week
7) My favorite part of Winnipeg is the sky, At band camp you can see the Northern lights
8)I don't have to do an exam in the class

There! I wrote 8 good things about band- so now I only need to remember them when I have a bad attitude towards it. Ok thats what i'll do.

"I know you feel alone a million miles from home, and it seems that no-one cares that life is so unfair, but hold on to His promise like it's your last breath....You gotta believe you gotta be strong you gotta have faith enough to know no matter where you are, HE is allways with you!"

This is what I am trying to remember, that even though I am miles and miles away from familiar and secure grounds and life is throughing me some really hard stuff that seems way to hard, God is with me and he is more than enough.
The problem is that saying God is allways with you is easy, and I know he is but somtimes it's hard to see what He's doing. Why life is the way it is. What I'm learning though is that he can be exactly what I need when I feel all alone. He is big enough to shake this earth yet small enough to listen to my crys.
Last night I was crying to God asking him if he was still there and listening to me after all my problems are small in the big sceme of things. Then "randomly" I felt the need to read Psalm 28. I have never read this before and this is what it said in verses 6 and 7
Praise the LORD!
For he has heard my cry for help.

7
The LORD is my strength, my shield from every danger.
I trust in him with all my heart.
He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.
I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

This jsut reassured me that God was listening to my prayers and heard them and he basically was saying that it was good that I gave my problems to him now I can rest because hegot it covered and in his time his will will become clear. And my small problems are important to Him to.
I thank God for being everything I ever need

tired and fed up

oh my.. where do I begin. I am tired tired tired. Have you ever just wanted somthing to be over. Like you're just so fed up with the situation and you're ready to give up but if you do you will only make matters worse? I don't know if any of this makes sense but what ever. I have been trying for practally 3 months to enjoy school and look at it with a positive attitude. And I have been doing better than I thought. I would find good things about it and when I couldn't find anything good, I would just suck it up. I have been doing a pretty good job of sucking it up and I've been telling my self it will get better but it's been three months...and it's not getting better. I miss support, I had it in Newfoundland, I had it at camp and it's hard to find here. I'm sorry for being so negitive but I can't help it. I like broke down last night and just started crying. Then I felt bad for crying cuz i felt like I was giving up.
What ever that was yesterday and last week, this is a new week maybe it will be better... I need to live by the moment. And at this moment I have the chance to breath and relax. So i'm going to grab it before it goes away...

Here I go Again! - Casting Crowns

Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away

Chorus:
So maybe this time
I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear
is tearin' at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' 'bout the rain
And mullin' over things
that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance
to tell him that You love Him

But here I go again
Here I go again

Lord, You love him so
You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe
He will never die
But how then will he know
What he has never heard?
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

I don't get it

I went shopping in two areas of Winnipeg today. One area in which everyone avoids, because it's the area that is dirty and where all the homeless people live and yeah Down town Winnipeg is just not the most pleasent place. But man these people who not even close to being remotly well off are soooo friendy. Like they will say hi to you and ask you how your ay is ect.. Then I went into the other area of Winnipeg where all the shopping is and the big impressive buildings are. I saw people in the store aguing over stupid things no-one is friendly and every one kept to them selves. And I was jsut thinking why on earth is it the mean unfriendly people who get to have every thing- why does socity show us that we don't need anyone but our selves? Nice and self-suficient. Secretly we all know we can't do things on are own and just don't want to admit it. The people down town aren't afraid to ask for help. They rely on each other for things. They are so grateful for the help that is offered to them and take it willingly and gratefully. But in Socity, if someone offers someone help it's like "No! I can do it!". So I don't get it al all. Why do we act this way and why do people become sucessful with that mind set when clearly we all need help and need to learn that asking for it is not a bad thing. If people were more friendly-heck you would have more friends. I don't see a problem with this plan yet.
Grr why are city people soo to them selves and like "i can controle everything in my life". It's just seems a bunch of people wearing a mask trying to get to the top of somthing and they all do it solo
Anyway that defintally made 0 sense.