Have you ever been stupidly afraid to try.... I dont know if I will be capable of making sense bu i shall attempt. kay
Have you ever been afraid tto ttry somthing new because yo really don't like the idea of falling flat on your face? Thats kinda the boat I'm in. Or you are afraid to try somthing because you may be left unsatisfied. Thats where I'm at. When I lived in Newfoundland...i like to think that by time I left it i had developed confidance. It took a flippin 5 yearrs to find but the point is I found it by the end and I was 100% fine with who I was and didn't mind making mistakes (no that I enjoyed it) and wasn't afriad to try new things. I was fine with acting crazy around anyone and I'd let them think what evr they pleased. However; this has changed. Once I moved to Winnipeg, I think I lost a chunk of my confidance. Not anyones fault or anything...just what happened. And don't get me wrong or anything I am super happy I live in Winnipeg and it is awesome. Its just I want my confidance back. I'm no like super self concious to a point of being irrational...just more than I was before I left. For example, I don't act as crazy as I used to. Only a select few people see me at my crazyest point- not everyone. The other one that is a hudge bummer that i somehow lost was my interaction with kids. This one really makes me sad because I think i was better with kids in Newfoundland and I somehow managed to loose some of my ability to relate to them but more depressingly ...my ability to speek to them on their level. for example when I do sunday school i do fine...but I find myself all of a sudden getting nervous when it comes to the point of the lesson that is "the serious part" and i also find myself seccond guessing the activities I plan or i am not completly confidant that they will enjoy them. This drives me nutts because i used to be fine doing this stuff. I LOVE DOING THIS STUFF ut for some stupid irrational reason, I get a bunch of nerves on my plate. another thing that I am disapoined in myself is that by the end of camp I was comfortable doing things like devtions for people my own age, yet for some reason when I do it now- I find my brain racing ahead of the words comming ou of my mouth, making my sentences make less and less sence and I find myself stuttering or figiting (more than usual) and my conclusions are something like "and yeah' like what is that? jeeez. I'm not to impressed with myself for loosing those things and abilities. Today at daycamp, we did worship and the kids looked kind abored, so I randomly started jumping around making up actions on the spot to the songs making lots of noice and just acting plain old weird. I havn't beable to do that in a while without feeling completly stupid. So i guess this is good. I hope tat over the summer I gain back my self confidance.

I refuse to believe the devils lies when he tells me I cant do somthing or I am not good enough. it makes me mad noww that I am begining to reconize when he is lying to me. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" I can do this and I will do this. I reclaim back what the devil as taken from me