~My life is a story~

2007-02-19T12:23:00.000-06:00

I figured it was time to update this blog sith something a bit more optimistic.....so yeah. I'm done school for good now yey! high school that is...now there is college...which will be an adventure in itself. I am either going to booth or cmu, hopefully cmu but we will see. If i could get a stupid full time job, that would be kinda usefull, but at least im not sitting through boring classes that teach you things that you will never use in life at all. I have a craving for somthing yummy...like.......a mango, that would be delightful. NATALIE is comming to visit this saturday! It will just be awesome i can't wait we will have a delightful time and eat mr noodles and do several entertaining things by the dreaded bus that for some reason appeals to mexican exchange students. I need to write her a plane letter, cuz that what she does for me every time i go on an airplane, i would write her a story, but i rather suck at flash backs, so i guess i will have to write a ballad about ian campbell and tom- but he will only be a minor element... its almost march everyone and than it will be may -oh wait i forgot april, but i am more excited for may cuz after may is june and i like june and with no exams this june, i will like it even better, i have a craving to go to the beach but it wouldnt really work right now with all the snow and all but the beach is fun if it was may, i would take natalie to the beach....but it is feb. so i will have to settle for somthing a little more seasonal.....yet i dont see how drinking an ice cold beverage in the form of a slurpee is seasonal, i think i am more of an ice cap person though....but you never really know any more. any way i think it is time to do somthing a little bit more productive....so i must depart. Good bye to all!

I dont get it

2007-01-17T23:03:00.000-06:00

I don't get it at all. Why are can things turn in to secconds from fine to not fine? How do they get all mixed up? Why do they break? why can't I find the missing piece?
There are alot of things at stake right now, and I'm making it a bigger deal than it should be. My eyes are blood shot right now, and they are filled with tears and the computer screen looks a little blurry. I'm jsut scared. It's not even somthing important, but it's somthing I've never done with out. I feel like I'm drowning. I'm trying to swim back to the surface, but the harder I kick, the more tired I get and the deeper I sink.
I feel like a jerk. There are people killing themselves to reach me in the water, but there arm is still just beyond there fingertips, leaving them feeling like they are not doing doing there job, when really it's me who is the problem. I don't know how to fix this. My head is pounding and my face is wet from tears. I'm trying my hardest, but it seems its not good enough, but crying wont help me, sitting here at my computer wont help me. I need to do somthing, somthing that i missed. Here i go- and i dont know where.

Quitting

2007-01-07T22:49:00.000-06:00

So people always say don't quit. But I'm starting to wonder if people give people a reason to quit. Like I'm not suggesting it what so ever...but i am just saying I can see why people sometimes want to give up.It's hard, fixing thigs that are broken takes time, effort,vulnerablity, sometimes exceptance of defeat and the courage to get up even though all odds say your gonna fail. Willingness to feal pain, bumps and bruises, cuts and scratches. So with all this at risk, people make you want to quit. It's safer, easier and logicly makes much more sence. You see when circomstance hits you, it's diffrent.Circomstance is somewhat predictable, you can kinda see what you're next step is into getting better.You are alive and it is not.IT can only come in so many ways. Eventually storms blow over, eventually rain will stop eventually you can walk. People how ever, are entirely diffrent. People are alive, unpredictable, determined, complex.........wait, so this sometimes makes things harder but imagine for a minuite. If we watched Shreck right now and all Shreck had to do to save the princess was ring the door bell...umm good job? The part that makes it nobel and worth achnolegement it the fact that he went through so much to get her. Slaying dragons, crossing lava...etc. Why? Because it was worth fighting for! Yeah he got burned,he fell he got cuts and scratches...but he got the princess! So is somthing more meaningfull if you work to get it? yup! Quiting makes to much sense. its safer logical and easy.But reach beyond what you can see reach beyond what makes sence reach in hope, reach unafraid of the ground reach in determination cuz maybe just maybe if you reach far enough, you jsut might get somthing and its better to try and fall that then to sink in the mud.

Christmas

2006-12-13T19:48:00.000-06:00

So latley I've been super busy (as usual) with a whole bunch of Christmas stuff. Kids club stuff, futures stuff, songsters stuff, work stuff, choir stuff etc... it has been really really stressfull and extra busy. I've been so busy that I havn't sat for a minuite and have been feeling extra stressed.
I have never been this busy at Christmas, its a new way of function that I have yet to get used to it. It had come to the point where I wondered why people were enjoying it becuase its just so busy! There is no time for yourself at all.
So while being stressed, I asked someone why they liked it. And though this question seemed to me as if it would have no answer, the responce I got was simple. The person told me they liked it simply because they were making people happy. Case closed, no questions asked, end of story.
This hit me kinda funny, somthing so obvious yet something I was so oblivious too. I wonder how I forgot about that. How on earth did I get so caught up in what I was doing that I forgot why I was doing it?! Honestly... what the heck was I thinking?
Anyway, I'm glad that person put it in perspective for me, beucase I was missing somthing important. I'm glad that now I have things back into perspective.
So next time I have to do somthing, I'll remember why I am doing it, and do it joyfully and willingly.
By the way Christmas is in 12 days!
Merry Christmas everyone!

Mary's song

2006-12-06T14:19:00.000-06:00

Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one
Should have had my place
But I offer all I am
To the mercies of the lamb
Help me be strong
Help me

Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven

Breath of heaven light in the darkness
Poor over me your holiness
For you are holy

2006-11-27T15:32:00.000-06:00

So this is whats on the go...actually way to much is on the go to some up in a sentence. But what is true is that I am super super super busy.
I coordinate a kids club program in downtown Winnipeg, run the childrens choir in my church, and co - run a jr. youth group that I really havn't been giving enough attention, participate in a worship team along with songsters. I also am in my last semester of high school and want to do very well and my idea of well happens to be extremely high when it comes to school or anything from that matter. On top of all that I have a job at The Salvation Army Thrift store. Even though I dont work as much as some people I know, its just one more thing on my plate that keeps me from being able to sit. I recently had to let down my teacher. I was in the chamber choir, which I loved, but had to drop it because I am incapable of making the practices due to work. I love doing all these things (well work not so much) but the point is Each of these things keep me moving consistantly even if I'm exausted.
Right now, I feel spritually exausted. I'm feeling as if I'm doing a lot of things where I am striving to help people see God to the point that I forget to sit with him myslef. I really havn't had the chace latley either. At church I miss half the service for the kids choir and I havn't really had a good amount of time to just sit with God. I am always always doing somthing. THe other thing is, things are always popping into my head of things that I could be doing, but I cant becuase there is not an existant caffinated drink that could keep me going for that amount of time. I want to do all these things, but I'm so busy and drained to the point that I just want to calapse.
My busyness is scaring me because I don't spend time with God as much as I'd like to and when I do , I am not as in tune to what he is saying, I hear music but I can't make out the melody and I find this scarry. I am making important choices currently ( such as what programs I do for kids club, what college I attend) and me being not entirely sure what GOd wants makes me nervous and stressed. I really dont want to make a mistake to what he wants me to do. I need to sit down and listen to Him. I want his voice to be loud and clear. I'm seccond guessing what I do.
I jsut really hope that I am doing what God wants me to do and the choices I make are the ones he would want. I want to follow his will nad stick to the map he gave me, I just hope I'm reading it right...

hopefully that blog didnt make me sound insane... i dont know if i expained my brain well at alll. anywho thats all for now

Spinning

2006-11-19T23:17:00.000-06:00

Spinning around
And around and around
Which way is up?
And which way is down?
The world is in uproar
My schedule severe
Time is the hunter
And I am the deer
Spinning around
And around and around
Where is the path
That I’m to go down?
Voices are screaming
And calling my name
Which one is truth?
And which one is blame?
Spinning around
And around and around
Which way is up?
And which way is down?

Just close your eyes
And lift your hands
I will hold you
And we will dance
And we will dance
And we will dance

Spinning around
And around and around
Which way is up?
And which way is down?
And we will dance
And we will dance
Spinning around
And around and around
Which way is up?
And which way is down?
And we will dance
And we will dance

Lost in your love
Lost in time
For I am yours
And you are mine
Lost, yet found
For you are mine
And I am yours
And you are mine

Just close your eyes
And lift your hands
I will hold you
And we will dance
And we will dance
And we will dance
Spinning around
And around and around
Which way is up?
And which way is down?

please please please...for a moment, let me dance

2006-11-10T13:54:00.000-06:00

There once was a girl who was locked away in a tower. Living in a pitch black room, she was terrified of the darkness. The tower was well equiped with torture machines that existed soley to bring her down. This is the life she lived, and this is the life she knew.
As the girl lived in the tower for numerous years, her eyes slowly became to adapt to the darkness; almost to the point that she could see in the night. The darkness became somthing she got used to and no longer feared. The torture machines no longer had the same affect of her, the torture machines could only use so many tatics before she got used to them. Life in the tower had become all she knew, to the point where it became comfrotable.
In a village far far away, a prince decided he was going to fight a long and hard journey to save this girl from the life in the tower. He travelled a long way, fought fights where he was sure to die, and finally made it to the girls locked tower.

When he entered the tower and told the girl he was there to rescue her, she trembled in fear. The prince, being confused couldn't grasp this concept. Why would anyone want to stay here? Why doesn't she want somthing better than this life?
The fact is, the girl is now secure in the tower, if she stays, she knows how to deal with the darkness and tortures. The tower is safe, becuase it has become her life. IF she were to live life outside the tower, she would face a new relm of the unknown, new vulnerabilites and new problems. At least in the tower she is safe. The girl didn't want to be rescued.
The prince now did somthing very humble, he looked at the girl and understood. He left the tower and told the girl he would walk the outside would with her. As for right now, he was going to wait. Waiting right outside the door for her to take the gift he is offering. Ans when she stands he will take her into the world and show her his kingdom.

PAthways

2006-11-01T17:53:00.000-06:00

So many roads to walk down
Which one points to you?
If there's one that's Godly
Why's it the hardest one to choose?

The other roads are calling
Offering gifts I can enjoy
Some may think its' crazy
That I'd fall for such a ploy

So when my logic fails me
And darkness looks liek truth
HElp me to remember
What I felt when I felt you

This world I'm in is spinning
Endless jargon in my head
If this is life I'm living
Why's it living me instead?

Some roads point to heaven
THe other's no one knows
But when I walk into the light
Why do I walk alone?

This world I'm in is spinning
Endless jargon in my head
If it's life I'm living
Whys it living me instead?

So when my logic fails me
And darkness looks like truth
HElp me to remember
What I felt when I felt you
Show me who I am
And can be
In you

Logic

2006-10-24T22:41:00.000-05:00

What is logic? How do you get it? Should you trust your logic? Is it best to go with your gut instinct? What if your brain is rationalizing your gut instinct? Is your bain right? Is your gut right? Does anyone ever know? Why Why Why Why Why is the world made up of people who make dumb decissions?

Martha

2006-10-20T23:34:00.000-05:00

So latley I've had lot of stuff to do. Busy with school, extra curicular school stuff, kids club, singing company, Jr. youth group, church stuff in general, baby-sitting and work...its just nuts. So where do I stand with all of this? I dont know exactly. But with all this stuff I'm doing, I am thinking of the Mary and Martha story.
I can relate a lot to how Martha felt i think. My brain is an automatic to do list. If I don't run on a tight schedule something or someone will get neglected. That would be bad. So i just take a big breath and keep running.
But I can't run forever, I'll eventually burn out...I hear God telling me to sit down, but my brain is telling me otherwise. IF we were to have a man to man convo right now it's probley go somthing like

Jennifer , sit.

sorry I cant right now I will as soon as i finish kids club

sit

after I figure out how to get scolarships for bible college

sit

sorry i have work

sit

sorry doing homework- i wanna get good grades for those scolarships

sit

can't we jsut muli-task you know talk and work at the same time??I'm not nearly done my work for anyting!

no , sit

sitting is not productive! If i sit I won't get anything done for you!

SIT! if you dont stop and sit down and listen to me, you won't get anything done for me either.

So I know this, now i jsut have to work on sitting.

2006-10-09T00:35:00.000-05:00

my brain is swrilling like crazy and I have i feeling i am going insane. There are 1000000 things to do, 1424524643 dicissions to make and twice as amny possibilities. I'm confused and lost and i don't know at all where im walkig and i feel like im walking around in circles and trip over a tree root ever 15 seconds. Oh well for now i'll keep wondering like a chicken with its head cut off untill i find somthing.

Against All Odds

2006-09-26T20:04:00.000-05:00

Its somthing thats against all odds
Do I dare to try?
Somthing where I'm vulnerable
Do I risk the time?
I don't know if its genuiene
Do I dare to trust?
Truth or lie I don't know
Maybe it's not pure enough

Somthing that is from the past
Brings these thaughts today
Somthing that I hav'nt known,
Should i turn the page?

Do I dare to drop the pen?
Let a story unfold?
Sould I fight against all odds
And let myself be vulnerable

Eternity

2006-09-22T14:27:00.000-05:00

There are thousands
Who are wandering
They feel alone
But their not alone
This love thats been given
Why is it hidden?
He's more than a man
With two nails in his hands
This gift we've recieved
How can it be
That we dont share
Eternity
The gift we recieve
Calvery
Won't someone share
Eternity

2006-09-03T00:40:00.000-05:00

I AM HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me pondering

2006-08-27T16:19:00.000-05:00

What forms your identity? I'd like to conclude that environment and circomstance play a huge role in who you are and who you become. Becuase my parents are officers I move a lot. Normaly my first complaint when people ask me if I like being an officers kid is that I can not stand moving. It is hard and difficult. Adjusting is easier said than done. I've lived in B.C (though I moved when I was 3 so my memories of that are verry foggy i remeber one incident with an ice cream truck and thats about it) I have also lived in Bermuda, Toronto, Newfoundland and am currently living in Winnipeg. Thinking back to al those places I've lived in, I wondered what place I wished I never lived in...the answer: none. I would not trade any of the experences I had in those places for the world. I can honestly say that without living in all of those places I would nnot be who I am today. I tried to imagine what life would be like if I grew up in the same house, lived in the same place and never had to deal with moving. Well for starters, I would not have experenced some amazing ministry oppritunities, I wouldn't of learned so early how important it is to depend on God, and I wouldn't have had the chance to meet some amazing people who mean the world to me. So basicly everything I am sure of now- would not exist. I guess the real reason I hate moving is because i can't see the out come. I don't know what is going to happen or what life will be like. I tend to worry a lot ( that is a hudge understatement) and the future is scarry especialy when we don't know what cards we have in our hand. I like history, and I like to read. Maybe it's because I can analyse what has already happened and I know the out come. The past seems safter - becuase we know what happened and got through it. I guess for the future, thats where trust comes in. Good thing God is in controle of that. I'm glad its not up to me. All I have to do is follow.

A little bit more Conviction - Carman

2006-08-26T19:48:00.000-05:00

Well I saw a christian man
With a cigarette in his hand
He was smoking in front of children
Action bad
He didn't care how it appeared
He didn't show no Godly fear
his witness could have been more than it had

Well I saw two brothers go
To a sexy movie show
Laughing as they passed with their friends
Entertainment, I don't care!
Saints don't belong in there
I'm sick and tired somehow it's gotta end

I'm telling you somthings wrong
When holiness don't belong
In livi
ng days to day, 'cause it ain't fun
I wanna see a Godly man
Who's not afraid to stand for what looks right
I wanna see me some
A little bit more conviction

Two sisters scantly dressed
With nothing left to guess
They go to a dancing club and drink some beer
While their parents watch tv
The kids play in the street
What happened to the bible and some prayer

I wanna see a little bit more conviction

- this song speaks for its self

the puzzle

2006-07-28T19:32:00.000-05:00

k- i'm gonna try to explain somthing without saying exactly waht I'm talking about- those of you who know me super well will know exactly what situation I am talking about- if you dont know me super well- hopefully you will get the idea....i have a feeling this is going to be a confusing blog considering the "pre -explanation" was super confusing....kay here is my analogy

I have this beautiful puzzle - it was a working progress- after time and lessons learned I get more pieces, slowly completing this work of art before me. With each circomstance I get more pieces making my picture nothig but wonderful. But even though i get new puzzle pieces all the time, i am loosing the pieces that i had from before. Some of this is a result of circomstance but unfortunalty the main reason is my own stuborness and pride. To proud to admit that somthing is missing, to proud to take the time and crawl on the ground and look for my own pieces; Pieces I once had and tresured. I have become content with the hole in my puzzle- after all, i still get the general idea of what the picture is, it still is eye catching. Its just one hole. why bother?

Well the fact is - i need to bother. Why on earth would I want somthing less than the full picture. Don't I want to increase its beauty? Why would I settle for seccond best- why would I settle for somthing less than what the puzzle was ment to be?

If that isn't enough motivation to get off this high horse I'm on... there is another factor that I need to consider, and this next factor is probley the most improtant one that I have over looked. This puzzle was a gift from someone who loves me very much. This person has given so much to me, never expecting anything in return. This puzzle given to me is a masterpiece. I am settleing for somthing short of what the gift was ment to be. How rude is that? It's not like I paid hard earned cash for this puzzle ( if that were the case, it would be my loss). But the fact is the incomplete picture is not mine to leave undone. If someone only used part of a gift i gave them, i think I would be disapointed. This gift is precious, beautiful and good- but... I lost the pieces.

If I'm too proud to admit that I am not content with an undone puzzle, then I need to do it for the one who gave me the puzzle.

So here I go- I'm jumping off this tower of pride and crawling on the dirty ground untill I recover every missing piece.

The truth is- no matter how stubborn or proud I appear, its really just a mask. A mask hiding fear. Fear that I won't beable to find the pieces or fear of finding the puzzle pieces, discouvering that they are to damaged to fit in my puzzle again. Cuz really those puzzle pieces are precious and I really long for them.

So I need to make the choice. No one will force me to take this gift.

But I choose the gift. So I'm gonna take of this mask. I am going to look for those missing pieces. And when I find them, if they are damaged, I wont rest untill they are fixed.

This puzzle was ment to bring somthing beautiful in my life.

I choose beauty- The beauty in this art
I will not rest till my picture is complete

2006-07-20T20:26:00.000-05:00

me gusta espanol pero mi gramatica es mal. Yo soy abirido (estas por que yo escriban en espanol; esatas amusante!) Yo quiero practica mucho, y al la campa, tengo muchos chicas y chicos espanols pero yo practica TODOS los dias. BUENOS !
~terminado!

2006-07-17T21:43:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been stupidly afraid to try.... I dont know if I will be capable of making sense bu i shall attempt. kay
Have you ever been afraid tto ttry somthing new because yo really don't like the idea of falling flat on your face? Thats kinda the boat I'm in. Or you are afraid to try somthing because you may be left unsatisfied. Thats where I'm at. When I lived in Newfoundland...i like to think that by time I left it i had developed confidance. It took a flippin 5 yearrs to find but the point is I found it by the end and I was 100% fine with who I was and didn't mind making mistakes (no that I enjoyed it) and wasn't afriad to try new things. I was fine with acting crazy around anyone and I'd let them think what evr they pleased. However; this has changed. Once I moved to Winnipeg, I think I lost a chunk of my confidance. Not anyones fault or anything...just what happened. And don't get me wrong or anything I am super happy I live in Winnipeg and it is awesome. Its just I want my confidance back. I'm no like super self concious to a point of being irrational...just more than I was before I left. For example, I don't act as crazy as I used to. Only a select few people see me at my crazyest point- not everyone. The other one that is a hudge bummer that i somehow lost was my interaction with kids. This one really makes me sad because I think i was better with kids in Newfoundland and I somehow managed to loose some of my ability to relate to them but more depressingly ...my ability to speek to them on their level. for example when I do sunday school i do fine...but I find myself all of a sudden getting nervous when it comes to the point of the lesson that is "the serious part" and i also find myself seccond guessing the activities I plan or i am not completly confidant that they will enjoy them. This drives me nutts because i used to be fine doing this stuff. I LOVE DOING THIS STUFF ut for some stupid irrational reason, I get a bunch of nerves on my plate. another thing that I am disapoined in myself is that by the end of camp I was comfortable doing things like devtions for people my own age, yet for some reason when I do it now- I find my brain racing ahead of the words comming ou of my mouth, making my sentences make less and less sence and I find myself stuttering or figiting (more than usual) and my conclusions are something like "and yeah' like what is that? jeeez. I'm not to impressed with myself for loosing those things and abilities. Today at daycamp, we did worship and the kids looked kind abored, so I randomly started jumping around making up actions on the spot to the songs making lots of noice and just acting plain old weird. I havn't beable to do that in a while without feeling completly stupid. So i guess this is good. I hope tat over the summer I gain back my self confidance.

I refuse to believe the devils lies when he tells me I cant do somthing or I am not good enough. it makes me mad noww that I am begining to reconize when he is lying to me. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" I can do this and I will do this. I reclaim back what the devil as taken from me

la de da de da

2006-07-17T20:26:00.000-05:00

hia all
I am is Mississauga for the summer working at a daycamp in one of the army churches. Its pretty good times. This blog isn't gonna be super detailed mainly because I am lazy. Butt yeah . I'm living witth uncle kevin and aunt sheryl so thats good times. At the day camp - this week I am soing inclusion work, which is where I work one on one with special needs. The kid I am with is Jermey-he's pretty awesome and I am learning lots and having a dandy time :D anywho ...thats all for now

2006-07-10T00:25:00.000-05:00

desperssing blogs are over for awhile, i have learned that at the end of every storm, there is a rainbow.

2006-07-08T22:37:00.000-05:00

stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stustupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupidpid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stipid stupid stupid stupid stupid

Have you ever felt....

2006-07-08T15:08:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt that evrything was going wrong?
HAve you ever felt it couldn't get worse - yet somehow it did?
Have you ever had hope shattered in an instant?
HAve you ever lost sight of your purpos?
Have you ever seen exactly what you were missing and not be able to do anything about it?
HAve you ever been so scared that you would loose the best thing you have?
HAve you ever felt so stupid for somthing that wasn't your fault?
Have you ever wondered when the sun would come back?
Have you ever been in the position where you no longer trust your own judgement?
HAve you ever been this confused?
Have you ever been this lost?
HAve you ever asked "why" so many times, but it doesn't get you anywhere past "because"?
HAve you ever had regret?
HAve you ever been this worried?
Have you ever been this scared?
When you are in these shoes, where do you turn when you are surounded by dead ends and creepy allies?

2006-07-06T12:18:00.000-05:00

yey for missing stuff to much-except not yey at all...:(

I will win

2006-07-03T16:46:00.000-05:00

Jesus don't you see
That I tend to fall
I do it all the time
Though I give it all
I wish I were a warrior
Fighting battles that I'd win
But I cant even walk on water
Infact I cannot swim

I wanna bless the heavens
I wanna bless the land
With imprints that won't wash away
Like the million grains of sand
Somthing that is more
Somthing that is true
Somthing that will point the world to heaven and see you

And though I'm just a child
can you use me still
Use me in your army
To forfill your will
Use me as a servent
To reveal your plan
Use me again
Wont you use me again

And though Im' just a child who doesnt know to swim
With you I'll walk on water
And the battles I will win
I will win I will win I will win
With you Jesus I will win

peaceful moments

2006-06-18T22:43:00.000-05:00

so i have been studying super crazy and have been stressing myself out and today i relaized i am actually prepaired and know my stuff so breathing has finially become an option - i am way less stress and it is wonderful.
I have had a relitivly happy evening- and i am realizing stuff.
So much has changed sence I've moved here. I remember coming here for the 1st time, going down my dirt road on the prairies 100% convinced that the world was going to end and that like would not get any worse- to the point of now where I am sad in a way to leave for summer and am very glad i moved here.
Life is funny and i've decided that i'm not meant to understand it- jsut live it. And I refuse to waste my time worrying about things that aren't going to matter in a year. And i refuse to waste my time trying to understand what the heck I'm doing. IF i knew what was gonna happen - why would I need faith?
I was listening to the song Gratitude -and it brought me straight back to camp Wabana- and is a huge chuck of what brought me to be me to where I am today.
And listening to the song helped me remember that each exprerence I go through helps me become who i am - even the ones that I dont like. this blog is really random and its all the smush left in my brain behind french, history and math. But i guess my real conclusion is that the year is done now- and this year has been a huge learning expereice for me- somthing i thaught would be terrible ( moving) became wonderful, and i am happy i came here. I will enjoy every step of life and concentrate on the present making sure i dont miss a beat.
that blog probely made no sence bnut i ahve an excuse - i study to mcuh and am thinking weirdly still

stupidity irritates me

2006-06-18T00:04:00.000-05:00

stupidity irritate me- not stupid people so much - but smart people who act stupid.It makes sense in my head but maybe i'm comming accross stupid- whatever. Anywho i hate when like smart people who know better say somthing completly inaproiate and stupid. They know what there saying is competly obserd yet for some reason they need to let the load of garbage come out of their mouth. The point of this? i have no idea. Seriously some people really must have nothing better to do with their time - they know what their saying is dumb so why waste your breath? Jeez
sorry...slightly fusturated

JEEEEEEEEEZ

2006-06-13T23:43:00.000-05:00

Holy cow i think my head is going to pop of my body. I seriously have so much on the go right now its not even funny. Mom is gone away so i am trying to help my brother with exam stuff plus I am doing extra stuff like cooking and what not. On top of all this i have a crazy amount of projects and i myslef really need to study for exams. I always get stressed at exams anyway so this is just adding to it.My life has become revoled around to do lists. If its not on the list i dont know what I'm doing. Right now everything is running ahead and i'm afraid i can't keep up.I know I said that i need to learn to take baby steps but i am worried if I stop running, I will fall behind. So yeah thats wahts on the go right now. I need to catch my breath at some point the question is when do I have time.

Hold on

2006-06-12T00:26:00.000-05:00

It will find you at the bottom of a bottle
It will find you at the needle's end
It will find you when you beg and steal and borrow
It will follow you into a stranger's bed

It will find you when they serve you with the papers
It will find you when the locks have changed again
It will find you when you've called in all your favors
It will meet you at the bridge's highest ledge

So baby don't look down- it's a long way
The sun will come around to a new day

So hold on
Love will find you
Hold on
He's right behind you now
Just turn around
And love will find you

It will find you when the doctor's head is shaking
It will find you in a boardroom mostly dead
It will crawl into the foxhole where you're praying
It will curl up in your halfway empty bed

So baby don't believe that it's over
Maybe you can't see 'round the corner

To hang between two thieves in the darkness
Love must believe you are worth it
You're worth it

My Favorite Things

2006-05-29T10:01:00.000-05:00

-flowers -specificly orchids and tulips
-gummy bears
-rain in the summer
- beaches
-cookies
-reading a really good book
-mangos
-coffee stuff
-little kids
-playing music on instruments
-jazz dancing
-warm weather
-roof time :D
-star gazing
-singing duets with really good tennors :P
-puppys
-picnics
- God moments
-visiting Natalie!
-4 part harmoney in prefect tune
-string music
-horse rides
-Pita pit - extra mango sause
-boat rides
-the clean feeling you get after a shower
-looking at photos

Best movie ever!! YES!?!?!

2006-05-28T00:53:00.000-05:00

yey!!!!!!

2006-05-28T00:14:00.000-05:00

cute song!

At the mirror you fix your hair and put your make-up on
You're insecure about what clothes to wear I can't see nothing wrong
To me you look so beautiful when you can't make up your mind
It's half-past eight it's getting late; it's okay, take your time

Standing here my hands in my pockets like I've done a thousand times
Thinking back it took one breath, one word to change my life

Chorus:
The first time I saw you, it felt like coming home
If I never told you I just want you to know
You had me from hello

When we walk into a crowded room it's like we're all alone
Everybody tries to kidnap your attention you just smile and steal the show
You come to me and take my hand we start dancing slow
You put your lips up to my ear and whisper way down low

Chorus:
From the first time I saw you it felt like coming home
If I never told you I just want you to know
You had me from hello

And when you're laying down beside me
I feel your heartbeat to remind me

Chorus:
The first time I saw you it felt like coming home
If I never told you I just want you to know
You had me from hello

From hello...

baby steps

2006-05-17T00:04:00.000-05:00

I need to learn to take things slow. Stop and just breath. Walk slowly, taking in the circomstance as it comes. Baby steps. No rush. Deep breaths.
When we rush...it can be more scarry running through all the little things. only looking at the big overwhelming picture. But I'm looking at it like this. I am walking on a rope across a huge water fall, with the rapids and waves right under me. If i concentrate on the water...i'll fail...if i concentrate on the rapids...i'll fall, if i concentrate on the hight..i'll fail...if i concentrate on the length of my rope i'll fall. I need to concentrate on my feet and on my balence. The rest will fall in to place. The important part is that i keep walking...but slowly and calmly ..baby steps. I'm in no hurry cuz when it all comes down to it..nothing on earth will matter..the world is not my home.

2006-05-13T13:15:00.000-05:00

The only mistake is the fear of making one

To the Grave and Back

2006-05-10T10:28:00.000-05:00

Ok so yeah...I've gotten some interesting perspective on life as of yesterday.
So this week has been kinda overwelming. I am up to my head in school work and it's driving me crazy. I've been developing a new set of worries for my summer. I have friends who are in diffrent proviences who are going through situations and i wish I could be there to help...but I can't and I am having some issues with some friends and it feels like i'm loosing people...which I'm defiently not a fan of. But yes thats whats been on the go...way to much stress for my liking. I hate it when I feel like I'm sinking.
So when I get stressed I do somthing kinda weird... I resort to picture books. Don't ask me why but it happens. I was reading the picture book "Guess How much I love you". Basicly the ending is the Rabbit tells his son he lvoes him to the moon and back. Nothing could be farther! Well know what comforts me right now? God loves me to the grave and back! And when it seems like I'm walking a tight rope accross rapids and I'm afraid to fall...guess waht! His hands are there to catch me. There is a verse in the bible that says. "Be still and know that I am God" . In the NASB version it says "Cease striving, and now that I am God." That gave me a diffrent out look. Stop trying to do things by yourself....God can obviously do it better. And the creator of the universe is more than capable to handle my little problems. There for I will be strong. Actually no... I will be weak and let God be my strength.
Every story has conflict- but characters grow through conflict. My life is a story and God is the writer. So though the skys are dark, I will trust the sun will rise again

I don't know where this road leads
I don't know where I'm gonna be
But Ive felt this way before
Though you are with me God, I still feel unsure

I don't know how the story ends
All I know is its dark again
And though it seems its night always
I will trust the sun will rise again

I wish I knew the final page
But you are with me God
I know I'llbe ok
So when I'm finally at the end
I will fin the sun will rise again

k thats the end of my blog. God loves us to the grave and back

2006-05-07T00:05:00.000-05:00

ok God,

Your way is better than my way.... right?
You planed my life, before i was eevn thaught of...right?
You know whats best for me... right?
You don't look at the things man looks at... right?
And no matter how far down I fall, your arms will be there to catch me..right?
You are with me every step of the way..right?
You can still use me when I'm weak.. right?
You created me with my abilities to use them for your glory...right?
You will never leave me nor forsake me...right?
No matter what, you love me...right?
Ok thats good, I jsut thaught I'd check with you. Now that I know, I'll dive head first into these new waters placed before me.

2006-05-04T10:45:00.000-05:00

All thats left is shattered broken pieces
I've been running from you
For to long now
I'm ashamed of what I've done
So what I do is run
Will you take me still?
Though I've ignored your call, your will?

Though my life is broken
I give it back to you
And though I'm lost and desperate
And don't know what to do
I'll lay it at your feet
And you tell em that you love me
JEsus,I'm running jsut for you

The tears have fallen, down my face
But I am rescued by your grace
And even though I ran
You always had a plan
Jesus I'm running back to you

I'm tired of living for the ways of man
And I know my Father has a better plan
The world won't understand me
When I dont run with them
But I've found a love so strong
Thats made me whole again

2006-05-04T00:15:00.000-05:00

" Only put off till tomorow, what you are willing to have died left undone."

2006-05-01T22:39:00.000-05:00

So I was cleaning my room today...and I was looking around at all my pics. I have 2 walls of camp stuff, my closet is convered of Newfoundland stuff, and i have my scrap book full pictures of youth group in newfoundland. As I was looking at these pictures I started to wonder about how each of these places have fromed my identity and helped develop my character.
I saw pics of people from my church from like when people were 5 to like last year. It was kinda weird. I live here now, and I feel like its right, but for some reason me seeing those pictures made me feel almost as if a piece of the past was missing. I have only been in Winnipeg sence september and i have ajusted quite well sence I've been going to heritage ( thats my church for those of you who don't know).When I say I like Winnipeg, I mean it entirely!
But when I do feel out of place...i finally figured out why. Not only have I not grown up here...but I really havent grown up in any place in particular. I'm not from a specific place...I'm from several diffrent ones. IF someone were to ask me where I was from, I wouldn't know how to answer. I've moved so much that when I finalyl get comfortable with a place,I can't help but wonder if i'll be uprooted. Is this a common problem for officer kids maybe? or is it more a Jennifer problem??? I jsut dont know.
The good thing about Winnipeg is I know for sure that the next move I make will be entirely up to me. I am graduated in less than a year... I can choose to stay....or I can choose to leave ( for the reccord I'm staying here for university). So in that respect this move has been easier than the others, by knowing that fact.
But yeah, for some reason when I think to hard....I find my self feeling like I'm missing part of the past. I don' have all the pieces of the puzzle and I end up wodnering what I would be like if I grew up here.
But its good. I only think like this when I'm by my self. I have never felt like that when I am with people from church. It feels as if I've always been here...and thats a new concept.
MY conclusion on my pointless rambleing is....i donnno . I guess anyone who is reading this can make their own. Thats just what has been on my mind. But I would like to say that i really really am glad that I have moved here. I feel at this point it is exactly where God wants me.

2006-04-30T22:24:00.000-05:00

I hate when I try to fix a problem with someone, and they dont meet me half way. They think non of it is there fault and that it is 100% mine. I am willing to take the blame for what I did, but the other partie needs to realize that they contributed to the problem and did some wrong to. I am going to go eat my face now. OR knit to China...or Newfoundland.

Little Child Remember

2006-04-24T23:49:00.000-05:00

Latley I've been seeing alot of people overwelmed with lots and lots of diffrent things. A wide varity of probelms- diffrent but each and every single one jsut as real.

Little Child remember;
You don't have to be brave
Just gaze into my eyes
It's you that I can save
Stop trying to build an army
Stop trying to part the sea
I know you want I miricle,
But what you need is me

I can wipe your tears away
I can give you peace
But first my little child
You must depend on me
- Gods letter

I hope that anyone who is feeling the least bit overwelmed knows that they don't have to be brave. I pray that these people who I know find rest in God. LEt him take your probelms and grant you the peace that you've been longing for so long

2006-04-22T19:42:00.000-05:00

"Holiness is purity, not maturity.

- this was on my friends blog - pretty profound huh?

ARGGGGGGGG

2006-04-20T23:15:00.000-05:00

WARNING; VENTING POST AHEAD

Two postings in one day- we are going great
K
Know what I hate more than anything in the entire universe???????? When people decide that they don't need accontability. They look at themselves suprior to the every one - including the people who taught them what they know. They think they are the only people who are right in the matter and when people disagree, instead of learning from how wise they are, they decide that they are better than them.
But it's not only the complete rudeness of that that is bugging me...let me elaborate without elaborating to much.
K So I strongly feel that there is a partcular group that has strong power in impacting people. They do many things right, but many things wrong. People don't see the negitives because of the wonderful facade placed on what is going on.They only are told the good things and are brainwashed into thinking that the bad things are good. I'm not saying that this group thingy is all bad I'm just saying they need to realize that they are not perfect and need accontability and need to be less self centered and learn from people who know exactly what they are talking about.
The most anoying part of this is that people who i care about are falling for the masqurade that is infront of them. I see people throughing away dreams that they have had for a really long time, to take part in this group. They think it is what they want but it isn't. I know this for sure. But I can't tell them that I just have to watch and wait till they figure it out themselves.
I'm not mad at the people I know who take part in this group, because it will be good for them in some respects, I'm just extremely agrivated with how irresponsible leaders of groups can be- not realizeing waht exactly they are doing and not listening to what really really really wise people are telling them OVER AND OVER AGAN
ok i'm done my rant
sorry about that all

I drop my sword....

2006-04-20T22:12:00.000-05:00

I know I've been winning battles left and right
But even soilders can get wounded in the fight
Some people say that I'm amazing
Far beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me, i'm hiding behind my tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
So I drop my sword and cry for awhile
Cuz deep down inside this armor, this warrior is a child

Not afraid to go, cuz his armor is the best
But even siolders need a quiet place to rest
Some people say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they dont see all the things thats laying at my feey

They don't know That I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
So I drop my sword, look up for a while
Cuz way down inside this armor, this warrior is a child
Way down in side this armour, this warrior is a child

"Don't be afraid little warrior bride, you're victory is on the other side!"

Serenity Prayer

2006-04-15T23:14:00.000-05:00

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdon to know the diffrence.

I read this prayer on a card/ bookmark thingy and I really like it. If I were to write it in my own words, it would go somthing like this.

God give me peace by teaching me the diffrence between the things I can change and the things I cannot. Help me not to be discouraged when I find things I cannot change rather give me strength to be bold in the abilities that you gave me and help me use them to build your kingdom!
AMEN!

Be still! Allthings are possible!

2006-04-11T23:21:00.000-05:00

Be still
Somtimes i find my self going nuts. I get to busy with some things, don't concentrate enough on others. It can get very easy for me to get streached very thin, this can be quite fusterating. Somthings feel as if they are being neglected because i am doing to mcuh of one thing, not enough of somthing else and some stuf, i still haev a long way to go before i can even attempt to tackle it.
So my qustion is how the heck do i do this stuff. And I jsut strat running and going crazy till its all done.
But I am learning a new method. ITs called me stoping and being still and giving it all to God. Somthing that is common sense, but seriosuly common sense isn't that common. But I am realising that once i give all my worries and concerns and most importantly my dreams and desires to God, I find things sort them out much better than if i was trying to do it by myself. So instead if trying to do everything myself. I'm gonig to do it on Gods strength, cuz with him all things are possible!

Right now

2006-04-09T23:23:00.000-05:00

Right Now - Laure Woodly

I believe I will live to see, my nation on its knees
Every color, every language will be calling Jesus king
It will all change....when we turn from our wicked ways
HE will heal our land when we humbly seek his face

Right now, revival sarts with me
Right now faith knows what I can not see
Right now, his spirt is pooring out of me

I belive I will live to see the church united in the earth
All the young and the old ones, will join together in rebirth
In Jesus' name, oh he loves us all the same
There is just one heaven and only one name to be praised

Right now, churches will reconsile
Right now, conviction will change our minds
Right now, forgivness will heal the bride of Christ

I believe I will live to see signs and wonders in the streets
Deaf ears will be opened lame will walk and blind will see
For Jesus' sake, I will pray with all my faith
Till his glory falls, and sinners cry out to be saved

Right now his word is what I believe
Right now, He's given authority
Right now, I'll follow him to the least of these

I believe I will live to see Jesus comming in the clouds
HE will lift me up to heaven oh I'm on the earth for now
I will not stay, he has gone to make a place
Where every knee will bow, and we'll live in the light of his face

Right now, I am made free from sin
Right now, he is my life within
Right now I'm falling more in love with him

Right now revival starts with me
....faith knows waht I cannot see
...His spirit is pooring out of me
Right now

30 Hour Famine

2006-04-06T23:02:00.000-05:00

So this Friday we are doing the 30 hour famine at youth group. It should be good fun.
Though the purpos of the famine is to raise money to support word vision and rais money for poor countreys, i decided to take a look at fasting.
I don't know how accurate my comprehension is on the subject, but this is what I've learned. People fast because they long for somthing spritually, and feal deprived, there for deprive them selves of of somthing physically. In this case being food. During meal times or waht ever instead of eating people take this time to pray and read there bibles ectera. Also people do things like media fasts. Like instead of watching t.v or talking on msn and such that time is spent with God.
So I am deciding to put my new gained knowlege into practice while i do the 30 hour famine tomorow.
I am bringing my bible to school and to Soup kitchen and every time my stomach growels or i crave food or feel hungry- i am going to try to read a bible passage and pray.
Even if I am completly off on my idea of what fasting is, I think this will be a good idea for me tomorow. Every time I feel deprived of food, i will go to the bread of life.
AMEN!

SPRING!

2006-04-04T00:25:00.000-05:00

It is so nice outside, once the dirt road is not full of mud, I'll do somthing...outside. Anywho
In general life is pretty good. I just had march break where we ran VBS for the kids club downtown.
It went pretty well. It was a mexican fiesta theme, and the kids enjoyed it.
The kids responded better than I expected to things like singing and bible. I was pleasently surpirsed to see some of the hardest kids to handle singing the songs, doing the actions and being some what attentive in bible.
I'd have to say though that the highlight of my VBS week was the seccond last day of VBS, and we talked about the cross, and the kids had decision time.
We seperated into groups and gave the kids a chance to ask any questions they had.
One girl in my group, who doesn't talk out much, was filled with so many questions.
I was delighted to answer them to the fullness of my capibility and was delighted to see her wanting to learn more about God.
We had four kids ask Jesus in their hearts, and i've been with these kids sense september and I don't think I've ever seen them that happy.
I love the fact that I am able to help out at kids club even though it comes with its own package of problems.
I can now say that I'm so glad I moved to Winnipeg. I am learning lots and enjoying myslef tons:D:D. I have no reason to complain that I live here.
GOOD TIMES ALL ROUND

2006-03-25T23:05:00.000-06:00

To love at all is to be vunerable. Love anything, and your heart will certianly be wrung and possibly broken. IF you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in the casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place out-side heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love...is hell- - C.S. Lewis - The Four loves

ME + BUSES =VERRY VERRY VERRY BAD

2006-03-23T23:02:00.000-06:00

Ok so the other day (being yesterday) I had to bus downtown by myself. And givin my trak reccord with my luck on buses, this is verry verry risky. I have a tendancy to get lost.
But this time not only did I get lost in the middle of Down town,I fell in a hole.
Thats right a hole!
I was walking looking for a familiar site- there for looking up- not down at where my feet were going. Little do I realize thatI am walking in a construction site where people are digging, and i fall in one oh their holes. IT was HALARIOUS. I also lost my bus transfer and spilt my ice cap, lost 10 dollars and got splashed by a cra on the road
moral of the story
BUSES ARE EVIL

Ontario

2006-03-13T07:28:00.000-06:00

So I'm sitting on a bedwith NAtalie's laptop waiting fir her to wake up. It is now 8;25am I have no idea how I qoke up by my self at this time. I hope NAt wakes up soon. I want to do stuff before I go to the airport. Anywho I just spent the last 5 days in Ontario visiting NAt and a bunch of other people so I thaught I 'd take this chance to talk about my stay.On thursday I went to bible college with NAt. It was excellent. I went to 2 classes- one was Short term missions and the other was cross cultural studies. I found these classes extremely interesting, and some very interesting didcussions came about. If anything going wiht NAt to her school made me more eggar to graduate and more excited to go to bible college in Winnipeg.
On Friday and Saturday we were at a worship conference. I forget what the theme was but that was also excellent. The worship was amazing and beautiful. The freedom in that place was excellent. I really don't know how else to describe the worship. They had flag dancers there- who danced spontaniously through out the worship services. They also had profetic paint, where someone painted a picture as an act of worship. I did't get to see someone pain, but i did see some finished art work and it was beautiful. The speaker was excellent. HAve you ever gone to a service and it just seemed like every single thing the speaker said was directed at you? Cuz that was what it was like for me. The speaker chalenged me to grow and to not be afraid to use the gifts that God gave me. He also reminded me that even with imperfections I can still be used and I am still loved. He also reminded me that sometimes God takes us on detours and we have no clue where we are going or what we are doing. But we are with God and he knows the exact route. We just need to walk on the road and be obedient. I really really really enjoyed the conference.
Saturday night I hung out with camp peoples we went to a resturante and watched Pride and Predijuce. BEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD- EVERY GUY SHOULD WATCH IT AND TAKE NOTES ON MR DARCY!!!!
Sunday was good times to. We went to NAts church. It was a good service. Then we went back and eat food and hung out with some people. Good times. Then we went to their night service where it was a family movie night. We watched Veggie tales' Lord of the Beans. I kinda fell asleep in the midddle of it so I cant really tell you how it was. But its veggie tales so I am asuming it was excellent.

Now that brings me to Monday. it is now 8;41 and I am still awaiting NAtalies awakage ( that is now a new word).Today I will be going back to Winnipeg were life will go back to its abnormality. This was almost like a retreat for me. I learned alot and got a lovley break from everything. I'll be home soon. I think I am going to pack my stuff now so i don't have to do it later. I am a genious....Anywho thats all for now folks

Shine Bright

2006-03-04T22:53:00.000-06:00

There once was a young boy who was terrified of the dark. One day there was a terrible thunderstorm and there was a power out. Leaving the young boy scared and alone, the mother went into the closet to get some candles. When she went into the closet, she went to pick up one of the candles. "Not me !" the candle yelled. "I don't have enough experence." "Not me" said another. "I'm too young". "I can't do it" said another. "I'm worried my light might not shinebright enough". The mother left the closet empty handed. She found no candle brave enough to take a chance. The funny thing was, each candle was made with the purpose to give a light.Each of them could have impacted the little boy's life. Even though they each knew they were made to eliminate darkness, none of them were willing to take a chance....

That can be like us somtimes. God has given us all gifts. We know them and that they have a purpose, but sometimes we are scared to use them and don't. But this is what I think. God blesses us with talents and abilities and we should never be afraid to use them, because you never know whos life might be changed by your light.

Slow conversion to the ways of Winnipeg

2006-03-02T23:42:00.000-06:00

So you know you are slowly adapting and being concverted to the Winnipeg ways when you go skiing all day OUTSIDE in WINTER and...

you have no desire for a warm beverage such as coffee but on the contrary you want somthing iced and pop flavored.
This item is a slurpee
People like slurpees a bit to much here and today...i had 2 im the middle of winter.
THAT MY FRIENDS IS OBSERD!

I've been tagged!

2006-02-28T15:38:00.000-06:00

Four jobs I've had:

1. umm does baby-sitting count?
2)camp cabin leader
3. umm LDP at camp!
4. I havn't had anyother jobs but i'm hopefully gonna have one soon

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. Narnia
2. Harry Potter
3. Pride and Prejudice
4. Sister Act!

Four places I've lived:

1. St. John's Newfoundland
2. Bermuda
3. Parksville BC
4. Winnipeg Manitoba

Four t.v. shows I love:

1. Gilmore Girls
2. C.S.I
3. those are the only shows i watch
4.

Four places I've vacationed:

1. Camp!
2.Florida
3. NEw York
4. Saskatchewan

Four of my favourite dishes:

1. pita!
2. stirfry
3.perogies and corn and mangrine salad
4. Lobster

Four sites I visit daily:

1. Hotmail
2. Hotmail
3. Hotmail
4. Hotmail

Four places I'd rather be right now:

1. Obtario
2. Mexico
3. Newfoundland
4. ummm Providence Bible College

Four bloggers I am tagging:

1. LILO!
2. Capizzio!
3. umm your face
4. MANGO!

Praise you through the storm

2006-02-27T16:30:00.000-06:00

I'd of thaught by now
That you would have reached down
Wiped our tears away
Steped in and saved the day
But once again
I say amen
And It's still raining

And as the thunder roars I bearly here you wisper through the rain
I'm with you
And as your mercy falls
I'll raise my hands and prais the God who gives and takes away

I will praise you through this storm
And I will lift my hands
You are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hands
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you through this storm

2006-02-18T23:23:00.000-06:00

Beautiful Lord
Wonderful Savior
I know for sure
All of my days are held in your hand
And crafted into your perfect plan

...

Take me
Mold me
Use me
Fill me
I give my life to you, the Potters hand

I love how God always has a plan. And even though we somtimes can't see it, its there. So if the road is broken, or clear it doesn't matter, following is the important part. Letting the one who knows me better than I know myself, make me into what He wants me to be

This peace

2006-02-16T16:39:00.000-06:00

So many words to say
But I'm opting for silence
So many days to live
I think i'm sitting this one out
Cuz somthing I've been chaising
Has finally stoped to let me catch it
Somthing I've been dreaming of
And waiting for so long

Its a wisper in my ear
It's a shiver up my spine
It's the gratitude I feel
For all thats right
It's a mystrey appeal
Thats been grated here tonight
This peace

Ok so i'm one of those crazy crazy people who do 600 things at once and am allways busy and allways worried about somthing. But latley even though I still am extremly busy, I feel at peace. I think it's because I am starting to like my new home in Winnipeg, and things are working out. Although I am still trying to learn about this strange place, I feel rested. There is a sense of peace I have here in the midst of all the business and I thank God for that peace.

2006-02-13T22:42:00.000-06:00

He was looking so far ahead, that he missed what was smack dab infront of his face.

So I was at bible study yesterday, and we were watching a movie. I forget what it was called but we watched it and discused how life was presented in the movie, and what we could learn about God through the film.
Anywho. There was this character who was allways looking for somthing better. Better job, more money. Everything materialistic. This person was basicly searching for love and happiness in life. He was looking so far ahead for somthing more that he missed out on somthing that was at his fingertips. He had a family that was verry loving. But he never had a chance to experence it because he was allways going, searching for somthing better.
So this random tangent does actually have a point. One thing that I realised ...maybe its just me i donno. BUt sometimes I think we can be looking so far ahead for "a brighter side" that we miss the joys right infront of our face. I'm all for the planning ahead concept..trust me i like to have a plan but I think it is equally important to make sure that you stop and smell the roses. Find the simple joys right in front of your nose.
SIDE NOTE: LILO IS THE UPDATING NUTCASE

2006-02-09T21:13:00.000-06:00

So I was talking to my friend the other day. And one of the main things we have in common is that we both have moved places alot hav'nt stayed in the same place for over 4 years. And we were talking about how the people that we were freinds with when we were like even 11 are not our friends anymore, not because we stoped likeing our friends but we were so far away and have managed to loose contact. And then the people we hang out with have known each other sence they were toddlers. This is one thing we could not get our heads around. HAving someone know you for that long just imagining what they would know about me would be crazy.
And now we have reached a new stage where we are here in Winnipg. I can literaly stay here as long as I want. I dont ever have to move again unless I choose to cuz I'm graduating in a year and what I do in regards to where I live is completly up to me.
I guess that kinda struck me the other day and it's really interesting. At the same time its comforting. I dont have to worry about moving away in five years or somthing. I just have to ... live in Winnipeg. WEIRD

Exams are OVER!

2006-02-01T16:39:00.000-06:00

OK so I haven't posted in like 535 years. BUT I have a good excuse ..sorta. Anywho i've been studying like crazy because of loverly Bio and Spanish exams. They both went really good and i am quite happy to anounce that I will never ever take another Science class ever again!!!! YEY!!!!! YEah so exams are now over and i have a week off. Which is exciting. I'm just taking the chance to relax and catch up on stuff that has been put off which is good. I got a package in the mail awhile ago from Paddington and Cyotote! It was pleaseing! I got a wack of entertaining cd's and a book that is really good so far. So i have been in a pretty darn good mood latley! Yey for good moods.Winnipeg is going well overall. Nothing to interesting to report so i guess I'm done this entery! WOOT!

Just be brave!

2006-01-14T23:19:00.000-06:00

Just be brave! That has been my new years resoltion. Somtimes we want to do things, that could be really fun and benificial; but we don't because we don't want to be in a vunerable position; with the posiblility of being let down or hurt. But I think that I would rather try somthing new and be brave, than to sit in a corner and want to do somthing and never give it a shot becuase it might end up bad. I think that in order to be brave, you need to be abit scared. Because if you arn't a bit scared, whats there to be brave about? anywho that is the random thought from my brain
bye for now!

BUSES ARE OUT TO GET ME

2006-01-03T17:47:00.000-06:00

Today was funny. I was bored all day. but hey. So I was gonna go to Snoozes house this evening. I was susposed to bus there. Nice and simple. Take the 62 and then the 86. I should have got that. But no way. I'm too blond for that. You see busses are more complicated plus they are scarry. Anywho
I managed to miss the first bus right so i was like crap- and started to walk back to my house cuz the other bus that conrcts to it comes hourly. BUT THEN as I'm like lots of meters away from the bus stop, i see ANOTHER 62. But I am now too war away to make the bus. So this is the story of how I managed to miss my bus twice. I find it rather funny. I would be laughing right now except now I have to find supper. But I will laugh when I'm done eating my Mr Noodle supper. I rock. WHO MISSES THEIR BUS TWICE?????????????????

Lessons Learned

2005-12-31T18:48:00.000-06:00

The path way is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reasons
Why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I will walk through the vally, If you want me to

It may not be the way I would havr chosen
When You lead me through a world thats not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

"A road with no obsticals, most likey doesn't lead anywhere"

With newyears comming up, i decided to look over the past year and think about what has happend. what I learned ect.. The biggest thing that happened is that I moved from Newfie-land to loverly Winnipeg. I think the biggest thing that I have learned, is that when you give EVERYTHING to God, he really wants everything. Not just the parts you feel like giving, HE wants it all, and for me I realized that included my comfort zone and security that I had in Newfoundland. But God has taught me alot about trust, that sometimes it looks like God doesn't know whats going on and you are left all alone, but really he is always there and slowly working through your life. Another thing that I have been reminded of is that when we are at our weakest, God is our strength and when we our weak, that is when we are left with no other alternative than to rely 100% on him.So really, I should be greatful for the hard times in my life, because I have learned alot of stuff that I wouldn't have learned if I didn't move away. AND I am actually starting to like it here! Maybe it's because it's Christmas break or somthing, or the fact that I quit Wind Ensemble. But I'm enjoying my time here and learning lots and lots, therefor, I have no reason to complain about this place nor do I even want to!

Family

2005-12-23T15:27:00.000-06:00

I got this in an e-mail and found it put an interesting prespective on things enjoy :D

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?
So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

Training College

2005-12-19T16:31:00.000-06:00

Ok so my parents are teachers at the train college in Down towm Winnipeg and have been teaching in a train college setting for the past 8 years, so I have seen how it works alot. I think that people should all contimplate going. People don't know that you don't have to become an officer to attend, you can just take cources. You learn alot about army mission and what the salvation army stands for through qualified teachers. The cadets I see all seem to enjoy there classes and I have been to some of the services and they are really good. I think that if people in the Salvation Army feel called to ministry, they should contimplate going to training college, even if it isn't to become an officer. It is in the middle of downtown Winnipeg you learn and see the reason William Booth started the army. There are also buildings where Booth has been in himself that you can see. The cadet residence are verry nice looking. Thats all I have to say about that.
I just hope that when people decide not to go to training college it is not becasue they think it looks boring or they don't want to be an officer but because God told them not to.

getting what you don't deserve

2005-12-13T21:07:00.000-06:00

Ok so you know how some things are easier said than done right?? Yes so one of them is being nice to people who a) are not nice to you or b) not nice to someone you are close with.
So it's somthing I am trying to work on. Like if someone just acted really mean to me and then in the next five minutes needed to borrow 10 dollars or somthing...I think I should give it to them. ( this is just an example). Even though they don't deserve it, how many times have I gotten somthing I didn't deserve (lots). It's just so interesting of a concept. The bible says give without expecting anything back. I think this means more than giving of items, but like being kind to people knowing full well they will not be kind to you, or helping someone with somthing,not expecting them to return the favor or even say thankyou.
Jesus dd so much for us- and we deserve none of it. And we could never give him as great as a gift as he has given us. He knew that but he kept giving.
As followers of Jesus we should do the same.
And that is what I learned in the past 2 days

Wind ensemble

2005-12-12T21:47:00.000-06:00

Today I quit Wind ensemble. It was really scarry and I felt ubber bad when I did it. But it was for the best. It is better to do a few things extreemly well than lots and lots of things with a half job. This is all around better for me but I feel like I let my teacher down. But there are things more important and I need to keep my priorities straight. God comes first everything else is seccondary. Wind ensemble was interfeering with to many things including my time with God. So I droped it. Thats basicly what I did to day

Could I ?

2005-12-11T14:22:00.000-06:00

Could I just sit here a while?
Knowing theres nothing that I need to say
Safe in the knowelge that you know my way
Love me completly
No need to hide a thing
Could I?

This is one verse from a song. I have no idea who I it is by but it's a good song.
ONe thing I always forget to do is be still with God. I also sometimes forget to listen. I talk to much and forget to listen to what he is saying. This song is awsome. It reminds me how much God is in controle. I can just sit in my room with God- not having to hide any imperfections or give any explinations of my self because he allready knows and he still loves me. I don't need to worry about tomorow nor do I need to undersand why God asks me to do things. He has it all maped out. Why is the last question I should be asking, I think that if I MUST ask somthing (which is not allways the case) I should ask how. I do not need understanding, just trust. I know that God knows what he is donig and has a plan for me- thats enough.

Musiced out

2005-12-10T16:43:00.000-06:00

Holly smokes this weekend I am palying music non- stop. I want to take a nap Ii a sooooo tired.
Today is our songster contata thingy at church so atomatically I will be singing all night BUT ON TOP OF THAT I am playing a violin solo and accompaning singing company on pianio and I am really nervous.
I am so scared it is going to bomb due to nerves or somthing. I really want people to enjoy and be blessed by the music tonight so I want to do my absolute best preformance for that. So hopelfully all will go well.
Sunday I also get to sing at a candle light sevice at the training college so by monday i will be exausted. Actually I'm exausted now but heY!!
Anyways I am going to take a nap before I have to go out for songsters!
Hugs and Prayers!!!

2005-12-06T18:12:00.000-06:00

Today was very busy and stressful which made it kinda sucky. Latley I have found my life so busy that I rarely have time to stop and enjoy simple things and get excited about them like I usually do. I find my self worrying lots and getting overwelmed with everything I have to do latley and I have just been told by a teacher that the heat in the course is going to be cranked up and I am allready just hanging in there by a thred so I am full of worries. I need to remember to get excited over silly simple things again cuz when I do that I am much happier. This is somthing that can't be forgotten with all the crazyness in my life - cuz with out joy it will be verry hard to survive.
Now I am gonig to take a moment and write out simple things in my day that can vring me joy.
- I am wearing the purpple scarf Michelle from NFLD gave me
- I had subway today along with DR Pepper and Mrs Vickies chips
- I have a sponcer kid in Mexico who is a 3 year old girl
- I like my comphy TNA pants
- I also like my slippers - they have monkeys on them
- It was snowing this morning - i love snow
I AM SEEING NARNIA ON FRIDAY
Ok so the last one wasn't today but it is still exciting
Thats all for now
BE HAPPY!!

2005-12-04T15:47:00.000-06:00

I think Winnipeg somehow needs to become closer ( much much much closer) to Ontario. Becuase I really really miss people and the majority of them live in Ontario. I miss like talking to my co every night and hanging out with Lilo and like talking to Pippi. Why does Winnipeg have to be far away. It allways seems that the people I care most about never live in the same provience as me :(.
I was gonna be able to visit Ontario but that is having some problems and might not be possible and I am not positive about my summer plans yet so the only solution to defentally see people that i miss is for Winnipeg and Ontario to become much much much much closer

Smushes from my brain

2005-12-01T17:33:00.000-06:00

That title makes no sense - my brain is truly smushed.
Anywho this is what I am thinking right now. So my church has no youth group, and we have been desperatly srying to start one. So we are staring a bible study( once we find a book) and we are attempting to do things on Saturdays; like random activities or what may. Is this the proper way of doing this?? Also another church has invited us to go to their Youth Group too....so i don't think it's a bad idea to go on the contrary i thnk it would be a good idea. BUT it's on Saturdays SOO would it be best to just start with the bible study and go the the other churches youth group to start?? Or would that limit it's possiblities to grow.... I have no idea what I am talking about. I think it's a good idea to go to the youth group and I guess I am questioning the approch that the youth from my church is taking...any thoughts??

Piano playing

2005-11-27T20:42:00.000-06:00

Ok so today I played piano at church and did a verry bad job. I was really nervous and I know I could have played much better and was really sad about it. But I tried my best - and at the time that was my best because I was nervous. So I was listening to my Ginnie Owens Cd. In one of her songs Free it says "Even joyful noise is music to me" . And I realized (and still realizing) that God doesn't care that I got my fingering messed up and totally forgot the chord progression and lost my place lots and lots of time and played too fast. He cares that I was doing it for him. So my noise was still music in his ears. And also I am allowed to mess up somtimes this is somtimes I forget. God can still use what I did even when I mess up. If he couldn't he couldn't really use anyone cuz we all mess up. So it's ok cuz I learned somthing today. I learned that God can still use somthing that seems "not good enough" in my eyes. And God reminded me that He can still use me with all my imperfections to make somthing beautiful. I thank Him for the lessons learned. I fell but I will get up and keep trying and climbing.

Thankyou Cappizo!

2005-11-27T20:40:00.000-06:00

Cappizio i need to lean how to spell your name cuz I spell it diffrent every time! Thankyou Capizzio for making my blog more exciting!!!1 YEY

I'm thinking...

2005-11-23T22:21:00.000-06:00

So this is what I have been pondering...The maximum amount of hours I spend at home a day is 13. And that includes my 8hrs of sleeping so it's more like 5. I was brilliant again and loaded my plate completly full and now I'm wondering if it might have been irresponsible...Like the extreme amout of stuff i am doing is starting to cause unecessary fights that could be avoided if I had more time on my hands. I would be much less stressed and have alot more time just breath and build broken relationships and I would also have more time to spend with God which is somthing I have been struggleing with latley. But here is the problem- I can graduate early because of all the extra circullar stuff I am in. Cuz i get a credit for each thing that i do. And my high school is the last place on earth I would rather be.So it would be amazing to be able to graduate early. Like I have always had a busy schedule and I can usually handle them quite well- but I don't know if graduating early is worth it. Like my head is telling me to suck it up and go ahead with the physco schedule after all no one forced me into the stuff I'm in. But the other half of me is saying Yes you can graduate early, but your schedule is causing fights and is driving you insane. I donno what to do - I really want to graduate- but I also really want peace. Any one have any thoughts on what I should do??

2005-11-20T22:41:00.000-06:00

It's so easy to say there's a God up in heaven
But sometimes he's so hard to see
But Yet I have found if we just learn to trust him
He's Got everything we could need

If we had God's eyes, we could see to forever
We would never have to struggle to believe
We'd understand why, and in all of our questions
We'd know what the answers would be
But we have faith enough to know
God is allways in controle

Theses are some lyrics from a song in the Singing Company musical that was done in newfoundland last year at my old church which I love dearly! I helped make up a dance from the musical and was watching the tape of it and they played this song and I was reminded by a bunch of six year old ballett buterflies how important faith is through hard times. Sometimes it feels like God has forgotten us and we are left all alone, but really we just need to trust. Trust is someting that is easier said than done- and sometimes we can't see what God is doing and we don't know where we are headed on this road, but we have faith enough to know that Gods allways in controle.
I pray that I allways remember that- that God is allways in controle even when I feel lost. I need to trust- Jump without looking down or back. I pray for strengh and courage. And I choose to run not on my steam but on Gods. This is somtimes really hard especially for controle feaks such as myself :P But with God all things are possible. Thats another thing I need to remember.

Just wondering....

2005-11-18T17:31:00.000-06:00

So this is what I'm wondering- if two people are in an arguement, and they both decided it would be better to avoid the issue there by avoiding any other conflict- is that kinda not good? Cuz you are beating around the bush wich normally isn't a good thing but couldn't that sometimes be better then bringing it up? I donno. It's jsut what I have been wondering.

Band Camp

2005-11-16T13:47:00.000-06:00

HAha BAnd camp...I feel quite dumb hehe mainly becasue I was so positive that I would have a terrible time when it actually was quite fun. Yes band camp was fun despite all the things that could have made it crappy. I did play my picillo for 13 hrs a day and I kinda really hurt my ears on those lovely high F's and G's and it's defintally not a violin but it was good I also decided that I like brass now. Anyway yeah so I actually had fun I met lots of people so that was cool. We got snowed in and had to stay an extra day and it was a fun night because it was just a bunch of activities that had nothing to do with music and we were just doing whatever we felt like. We had a talent show and a movie and all that jazz. It was just good times. I went there deciding that I would have a good time even if it killed me but the funny thing was I didn't have to try to have a good time I just did anyway. Band camp good times and I can't belive I am saying this, but I am glad I went. hahaha I'm so amused.

Band

2005-11-10T21:37:00.000-06:00

This wondefull susposedly nice long weekend I get to go to no other than Band Camp. I am sooooooo excited ( note: I am saying this in my sarcastic voice cuz I am really not)
I get to go have a "wonderfull" weekend when I get to play the shrilling picillo for 13 hours a day ( I am actually not exagerating) then during my free time I get to listen to wind ensemble pieces and all that "fun" exciting stuff.
So not only is the circulum not that pleasing but I also am not verry close to the other people in band. MAinly because in their eyes, their instrument is the world and mine on the other hand is not. The picillo is my least favorite instrument out of the ones I play AND the earliest I get home is 5:30 pm. But usually it is later. I don't have time to practice 4 hrs a day or how every many I should be doing. So there is one of the main clashes between me and the other people in band.

I realize that one of the reasons I am not liking this so much is because my attitude is really bad. I am saying it will be bad before I get there. So I need to fix that right now: I will now make a list of good things about the band progam....this is gonna be hard.

1) because of all the band stuff I can graduate early
2)I get to eat cookies in band
3) I have to take really big breaths on my picillo and there for am improving my breath support while singing
4) It is manditory that I go to to concerts a semester (yay for Winnipeg Symphony Orcahstra)
5) BEcasue of band camp I get to miss a day of school
6) Because of band camp i get to write a test later on in the week
7) My favorite part of Winnipeg is the sky, At band camp you can see the Northern lights
8)I don't have to do an exam in the class

There! I wrote 8 good things about band- so now I only need to remember them when I have a bad attitude towards it. Ok thats what i'll do.

2005-11-09T19:15:00.000-06:00

"I know you feel alone a million miles from home, and it seems that no-one cares that life is so unfair, but hold on to His promise like it's your last breath....You gotta believe you gotta be strong you gotta have faith enough to know no matter where you are, HE is allways with you!"

This is what I am trying to remember, that even though I am miles and miles away from familiar and secure grounds and life is throughing me some really hard stuff that seems way to hard, God is with me and he is more than enough.
The problem is that saying God is allways with you is easy, and I know he is but somtimes it's hard to see what He's doing. Why life is the way it is. What I'm learning though is that he can be exactly what I need when I feel all alone. He is big enough to shake this earth yet small enough to listen to my crys.
Last night I was crying to God asking him if he was still there and listening to me after all my problems are small in the big sceme of things. Then "randomly" I felt the need to read Psalm 28. I have never read this before and this is what it said in verses 6 and 7
Praise the LORD!
For he has heard my cry for help.

7
The LORD is my strength, my shield from every danger.
I trust in him with all my heart.
He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.
I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

This jsut reassured me that God was listening to my prayers and heard them and he basically was saying that it was good that I gave my problems to him now I can rest because hegot it covered and in his time his will will become clear. And my small problems are important to Him to.
I thank God for being everything I ever need

tired and fed up

2005-11-07T18:09:00.000-06:00

oh my.. where do I begin. I am tired tired tired. Have you ever just wanted somthing to be over. Like you're just so fed up with the situation and you're ready to give up but if you do you will only make matters worse? I don't know if any of this makes sense but what ever. I have been trying for practally 3 months to enjoy school and look at it with a positive attitude. And I have been doing better than I thought. I would find good things about it and when I couldn't find anything good, I would just suck it up. I have been doing a pretty good job of sucking it up and I've been telling my self it will get better but it's been three months...and it's not getting better. I miss support, I had it in Newfoundland, I had it at camp and it's hard to find here. I'm sorry for being so negitive but I can't help it. I like broke down last night and just started crying. Then I felt bad for crying cuz i felt like I was giving up.
What ever that was yesterday and last week, this is a new week maybe it will be better... I need to live by the moment. And at this moment I have the chance to breath and relax. So i'm going to grab it before it goes away...

Here I go Again! - Casting Crowns

2005-11-06T18:12:00.000-06:00

Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away

Chorus:
So maybe this time
I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear
is tearin' at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' 'bout the rain
And mullin' over things
that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance
to tell him that You love Him

But here I go again
Here I go again

Lord, You love him so
You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe
He will never die
But how then will he know
What he has never heard?
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

I don't get it

2005-11-05T22:50:00.000-06:00

I went shopping in two areas of Winnipeg today. One area in which everyone avoids, because it's the area that is dirty and where all the homeless people live and yeah Down town Winnipeg is just not the most pleasent place. But man these people who not even close to being remotly well off are soooo friendy. Like they will say hi to you and ask you how your ay is ect.. Then I went into the other area of Winnipeg where all the shopping is and the big impressive buildings are. I saw people in the store aguing over stupid things no-one is friendly and every one kept to them selves. And I was jsut thinking why on earth is it the mean unfriendly people who get to have every thing- why does socity show us that we don't need anyone but our selves? Nice and self-suficient. Secretly we all know we can't do things on are own and just don't want to admit it. The people down town aren't afraid to ask for help. They rely on each other for things. They are so grateful for the help that is offered to them and take it willingly and gratefully. But in Socity, if someone offers someone help it's like "No! I can do it!". So I don't get it al all. Why do we act this way and why do people become sucessful with that mind set when clearly we all need help and need to learn that asking for it is not a bad thing. If people were more friendly-heck you would have more friends. I don't see a problem with this plan yet.
Grr why are city people soo to them selves and like "i can controle everything in my life". It's just seems a bunch of people wearing a mask trying to get to the top of somthing and they all do it solo
Anyway that defintally made 0 sense.

Be still!

2005-10-31T21:55:00.000-06:00

One thing I really struggle with is being still. I am one of those people who allways has a full plate and is allways bussy and constantly going. If somthing goes wrong, I'll jump in trying to solve it sometimes forgeting to look at the entire problem first. I also become guilty of forgeting to be still, and listen to God. Alot of people are familiar to the verse "Be still and know that I am God".And that verse says alot. It is so easy to forget to rest in God and just listen. Then I read the Psalm in the New American Standard Bible. And that verry verse was put "Cease striving and know that I am God". Cease striving! Stop going! just stop trying so hard and listen to me, rest in me!!! I'm the only way out! That is what God was teaching me. Somtimes it's hard to remember to be still and cease striving. I heard an interesting quote.
"Don't just do somthing, sit there!"
Thats what I'm learning- to stop going 24/7 and just sit dowm and rest in God and cease striving till he tells me what to do.

Noah and the ark!

2005-10-27T12:46:00.000-05:00

My friend Jen ( with one n!) sent me this in a forward! it's awsome. Hope you guys like it!
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark One: Don't miss the boat. Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat. Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. Six: Build your future on high ground. Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. Nine: When you're stressed, float a while. Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. Eleven : No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting...

Soup Kitchen

2005-10-26T21:03:00.000-05:00

On Friday, I went to the soup kitchen again and once again it was an awsome time there. Everytime I go I am blown away by how people who have so little can give so much and be truely grateful. Something I can learn from for shure. Anyways when I was at the soup kitchen after we gave the peole their meals, we went and talked to people. I talked to an old native man named Joe. He could tell stories for hours and I could listen to them for hours so it was a good nigh. I learned alot about the native culture and just struggles they have gone through. After that I went on street patrole and once again it was super. This time I went, it was much colder than last time and so we saw alot of homeless people on the street and provided them with a hot drink and blankets and things like mits, hats and such. But another thing I noticed was that this time alot of people were high- more than last time. At first I got really sad. Because for some of these people, you would wonder if they would make it till morning. Then I got really angry. Angry at the people in my school. So many of them get high when ever they feel like it and take it sooo lightly and don't even think about how much damage it's doing to them. And I've seen the damage it has done to people on the streets and their lives have been ruined by it. I jsut wish some of the people at my school could see it. The people on the streets do drugs for survival and the people at school do it for fun, yet the people who are doing it for survival are more affected my it negitivly. It's not fair. Anyways street patrol was really good and we helped alot of people. When I got back after, I talked to Joe again. He told me some more really good stories and we played a few games it was fun times! He even showed me how to play a game it was dandy! I love going to the soup kitchen!

Healing!

2005-10-26T20:02:00.000-05:00

Your blood- is all that I need
your blood is what resuces me
For you're all I want
And my everything
Jesus thankyou for healing
thankyou Jesus for comming
and saving me
Healer, I'm trusting you
for you to heal me again

Trusting the Angles

2005-10-25T13:06:00.000-05:00

Trusting the Angels

I’m just a bird with a melody to sing
I’m hardly heard look at these tiny little wings
But I can see an arrow flying and I’m not afraid
I can hear the terror try to steal the night away
And I’m not afraid I’m not afraid
Hiding here in your shadow
Riding under your wings
Flying trusting the angels
Living in your covering
I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid

I’m just a bird without a penny to my name
It may sound absurd I’ve got no plans beyond today
But I can see an arrow flying and I’m not afraid
I can hear the terror try to steal the night away

School

2005-10-19T23:02:00.000-05:00

Ok I am actually trying crazy hard to find things that are good about Winnipeg daily. And although I can find positive aspects of this place, I sometimes just sit there asking "God, why did you take me from Newfoundland for this.??" I jsut don't get it sometimes. I go to my high school everyday- the classes are good - but the school itself is really hard to adjust to - its really clicky. I think the main problem I have with Winnipeg is my school. I just want to graduate. I have freiends and such but sometimes I just want out! Like i love helping out at the kids club down town and I love helping out at the soup kitchen.....but i dread school every day. I just feel really out of place - like my school is so messed up with drugs and such and i'm just like "I WANT MY YOUTH GROUP AND BIBLE STUDY BACK" . But over the weekend i learned alot about being a servent for God and trusting him and doing what ever he wants us to do ....so maybe because of my negitive attitude towards my school, I'm missing the bigger picture- what God wants me to do there. I don't know what that is- but i am going to make the choice to stop being mad about school - and listen to what God wants me to do. He never said that the christian road was a simple one - he just said he would be there with me. And all in all, I guess its a good thing that I feel out of place in this messed up world - cuz we were not made for this- we were made for eternity
Anyways I hope you enjoyed that crazy rant

Youth Retreat!

2005-10-16T14:50:00.000-05:00

This weekend was amazing!!! I went to a youth retreat and Rev. Dave Overholt was are speaker. It was excellent!! He spoke on making your mark on the word- and ways we can do that - ie- through food banks, helping people ect... then the next night he talked about sacrificing your life to Jesus Christ- and dedicating your life to service for him. He gave us the oppritunity to make that statment pubically- I went up and you could feel God's presence. I was powerful. I also had the chance to go to two break sesions. I went to one with about how we as christians live in a messed up world full of influences that can sometimes cause us to mess up - but I learned that they can also make you stronger. Then the seccond break sesion was with Dave Overholt. He talked about how to answer your friends questions about God. It was a awsome learning experence and I learned alot. It was exciting!
The worship was also amazing. There was not that many people there, but the sound we were making was unreal! Are voices were so loud as we were singing out to God. There was dancing, there were people with there arms raised in the air and there were people kneeling. I love the freedom that was there. It was the way worship is susposed to be - all for God. Apart from all the amazing sermons and worship services i was at, I also learned alot about spritual gifts- and which ones I have been blessed with and ways I can use them for the glory of God.
All in all this weekend fit exactally what I was longing for and I thank God for the blessings he has given me this weekend!

What I miss....

2005-10-06T20:31:00.000-05:00

Winnipeg is going good - and I'm trying really hard to be positive and happy and God is blessing me here. So as I write this blog I hope it doesn't sound like I hate it here, and its really bad. Cuz it really isn't. I am making friends and such and enjoying school. But one thing I am really missing in my old church. Don't get me wrong, my new church is great. But there is not verry many people my age at all - infact there is a very limited amount of youth. The reason behind this is that the church is just starting up - I truely believe it will grow! But everything starts small but because it's just starting off, I miss my old youth group.
I miss having a youthgroup- i miss the endless amount of support
I miss having a Youth Pastor- Val was awsome! She does such a good job.
I miss regualar youth group events such as bible study- It's so awsome just to meet with a whole bunch of people and talk about God. You don't realize how good something is untill its gone.
I miss SONGSTERS!! yes I miss songsters- i didn't even realize i liked it, till I moved here. But songsters was awsome.
But I truely believe that my new church will grow- and i can totally see it's potential. Right now i'm trying to listen to God for direction-if theres somthing he wants me to do. I'm teaching sunday school right now. I am also kind of excited to see somthing grow- i've never been a part of something just starting. I am also learing to wait- wait and see what God is doing
Anyways ....thats all for tonight!

I walk, I run, I fall, Meanwhile I keep dancing

2005-10-05T17:11:00.000-05:00

God is simply teaching me to trust. I think one of the reasons he brought me to Winnipeg is because I need to learn to trust him better and stop relying on myself. I guess it's a good thing that everything i relyed on was taken away before God asked me to follow without looking back. Now ,there is nothing to stop me but fear- fear of falling. But i have decided that I will not let fear take over me. I really think it is that simple. I will still be scared I mean - I'm in a new city that is NOT what I am used to what so ever with a complety different atmosphere and the things that God has given me the opritunities to do are things I have never done before\felt comfortable with. But there are things more important than fear - LIKE GOD! And right now I feel God is telling me to follow him without looking back. So thats what i'm gonna do. So I'll do the best with every oppritunity put infront of me- and when i fall down, I'll just get back up again and keep on walking.
One of the quotes I know is;
I walk I run I fall meanwhile I'll keep dancing.

So I take this quote like this; I will somtimes be able to handle what comes my way and somtimes I will mess up and fall down- But I will not let it get me down- I will get up again and keep going -thanking God for the blessing that he's given me

Lesons from the sky

2005-10-01T21:42:00.000-05:00

So Winnipeg is going interesting. So i'm sitting outside during spare with my friend looking at sky in silence enjoying its beauty. While we are doing this, i'm think to my self , what am i doing here? I sometimes feel so usless and out of place. And i really just wanted to be somewhere else, not shure where that was, just not winnipeg. So as i'm looking at the sun and clouds my friend says, "Know what i love about the sky? The sun. It doesn't fit in with the clouds its completly diffrent , but because it's diffrent it can light up the sky" . Way to het me in the head.
So i was reminded then and there that God put me here for a reason. Even though i'm out of place God put me here. That should be enough. I can see God doing things allready, he had given me so manny opritunities that i never had in newfie-land. And everytime i think i have what i'm susposed to do here figured out, something else gets put in the picture. Everytime I go oh ok God i get it now, he sits there laughing -saying- NOT EVEN CLOSE!
This is a constant learning process. God is really teaching me how it trust. and give him all of me
To end off i'll leave you with a part of a song by Jason upton

"to You i give my life, Just not the parts I want to"
"to you I sacrifice the dreams that I hold on to"

Slurpys!

2005-09-27T17:40:00.000-05:00

Today was amusing. I met a new person today named Hiedi - i don't know how to spell it though. I met her in choir and we were talking about Ginnie Owens, Nichole Nordam, Hillsongs ect... she didn't know tehilah but i can forgive her cuz tehiliah is in toronto and well we are in Winnipeg... anyways so that was good times. Then during my spare I went with my friend Jana and bought a SLURPY!!! I've never had a slurpy before and aparently Winnipeg is the slurpy capital of canada - i didn't know there was such thing but there is. So that was that. School was quite good today. Tomorow they have this thing called Solid Rock during lunch ; it's like a christian group at school. I think i'll check it out!
Dandy!

There is somthing better!

2005-09-26T16:46:00.000-05:00

this is what I don't understand;
a guy in school today was telling a story about how drunk he got so much that he didn't remember his name- people laughed...how is that funny?
another guy said he could'nt wait till he turned 18 do he could legually drink- people laughed....how is that funny
A girl was walking down the hall saying she didn't eat in 5 days... her friends congradulated her.....and people laughed ....how is that funny.

These three things want to make me cry. I feel so sad for these people. sad because they can't find anything else to live for. Why do people laugh at someting so sad. This world is so messed up. I wish people knew there was somthing better out there......

Volenteering at the soup kitchen

2005-09-24T11:53:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to one of the churches down town and helped out at a soup kitchen. It was an awsome experence. Never in my life have I seen soooo many homeless people and I have also never seen people so greatful. After we served the people their meal, we went and talked to them. I talked to an old man named George. He had lots of stories. He told meabout his pin collection and train tracks, his uncle who was a famous piano tuner "back in the day" ect. It was great. Then I went on street ministry. I went downtown to do this in Newfoudland a few times. But the conditions here were completly diffrent and much worse. We gave homeless peoplehot chocolate and then we went in the allies and such. We didn't see verry many people there, but we saw some of the peoples "homes". It was crazy the conditions were so bad, it blew me away.
I am so glad I went to go help out though, and I can't wait to do it again in two weeks!

the will of God

2005-09-22T22:54:00.000-05:00

Will of God
I’m tired of living in this world of sin
Tired of living in this game we’re in
Been to town and now I’m back again tired of living for the lust of men
And the world may think I’m crazy when I don’t run with them
But it’s just plain idolatry, when God can’t have all of me

I want to live for the will of God
Oh Lord, I want to follow
With all of my mind, all my heart and all my soul
I want to follow you Oh Lord

How much time will I keep wasting?
How much cheap wine will I keep tasting?
Been to church and now I’m back again
Tired of living for the pride of me
And the world may think I’m crazy when I don’t run with them
But it’s just plain idolatry when God can’t have all of me

the Lion King

2005-09-21T16:51:00.000-05:00

I think this is my new favorite disney movie
but only because of one part...
Mufassa says this to simba whem is he running away from his probems

"Simba remember who you are" said Mufassa. " You are my son and the one true king. You must take your place in the circle of life"

That line is awsome! So stand up! Remember who you are, and take your place in the circle of life!!!!!!!!!